Eggs and Bakey!
by Demoneyes 14
Summary: A series of oneshots starring Albel Nox and Nel Zelpher. Purely Alnel crack. I really need a life. Alnel
1. Eggs and Bakey!

**Eggs and Bakey**

A series of scary and amusing AlNel one shots for everyone to enjoy. Occasional Luther pop-ups in the story as well. Hope that this makes up for my long delays.

* * *

"I refuse!"

Nel Zelpher glared at the leader of their little group. Fayt's green eyes had a pleading look in them as he continued to beg. They were just about to pack up and leave when they noticed one of them had been left behind in the inn. That's when Fayt popped the question, leaving Nel more irritated than when she had woken up.

"Please, Nel!" He cried. "Remember what happened the last time when I tried to wake him up!"

Nel remembered all too well and shuddered at the memory. Fayt, not fully aware of how moody Albel could really be, decided to wake up the Black Brigade Captain early one morning. Oh… what a fatal mistake that was. It had left the poor boy beaten to a pulp, tied up, and the one attacking him just about ready to rape the kid with his own sword. Nel was one of the two unfortunate people to subdue the attacker while everyone else tended to poor Fayt.

That was how they discovered Albel Nox wasn't a morning person.

"Okay… but why not someone else!" Nel cried. Fayt looked at her like she was insane.

"Maria and Albel are already on bad terms." Fayt began. "Sophia is downright scared of him… Peppita will more than likely use her demon toaster on him (and we all know how much her toaster loves Albel…) Cliff will probably end up in the same position as me, Roger will end up having his pelt used as an extension to his blanket, Mirage refused when I asked her, and Adray would more than likely kill Albel when he tries to drag him out!"

Nel silently noted these things as Fayt caught his breath. "That's why… we need you to help us."

Nel knew she was trapped now. Although she had considered Adray a decent choice to wake up the bloody Glyphian, she knew that there would be no choice in the matter.

With her head hung in defeat, she let out a sigh. "Alright… I'll go."

Fayt's smile appeared again and he thanked her continuously while leading her to the stairs to where Albel's room was. Before her foot hit the first step however, Sophia peeked out from behind the blue haired boy, calling out Nel's name before rushing up to her.

"Nel… if all of your own plans fail to wake him up… there's a backup I can give you."

Nel leaned down as Sophia whispered into her ear. Her eyes became wide with horror before pulling away, gaping at the young girl.

"Let's just pray that I don't have to use that…" Nel said with a sigh.

And with that, the brave crimson blade trekked up the stairs on a very dangerous mission. Her eyes focused only upwards, ignoring the stares from the people behind her.

"Will she be okay?" Sophia asked the older boy. Fayt looked down and smiled.

"Have faith in Nel." He laughed. Despite his words, he himself could not help but fear for the woman's life.

* * *

Nel stood in front of Albel's door as if it were the gates of hell. Who knew what horrible things would lay inside! Nel didn't want to know… but she had no choice in the matter did she?

Taking a deep breath, she turned the knob and pushed. She felt a familiar tug on the door and her eyes widened as she ducked out of the way of a frying pan that came hurtling towards her face. She only had a split second to spring forward and roll into the room as a bowling ball fell from above followed by several knives and darts shooting from either side. The Aquarian lay flat on the ground until the trap ceased its attack followed by rolling to the side as a net sprang up from under the carpet, hanging in midair without the trespasser inside.

Nel could only twitch in irritation. He copied her booby trap! That sonova bitch stole her blueprints! She turned to glare at the sleeping Glyphian, surprised to find him still sound asleep on the bed. How could he sleep through something like that? Not only was that trap made to catch, it was also meant to wake her in the process.

"Damn you must be a heavy sleeper…" she muttered under her breath.

Albel Nox lay on his side, curled up under the sheets. His hair was left wrapped up overnight as if intending to have a late wakeup call. Nel scowled at the man before leaning down and tapping his shoulder, calling his name. Nothing came. Nel frowned and tried shaking him this time. Still nothing.

"Ugh… Albel!" She moaned and stepped back, turning away before turning around again to face him. "Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!" She cried. She had no clue what it meant, but she had remembered Cliff using it as a wakeup call more than once. She noticed him twitch slightly at this and smirked, knowing she was getting somewhere with him at least.

"Nox, they want you down now and I mean NOW!" When she received nothing from him this time, she hissed angrily.

WHY WASN'T IT WORKING?

The great Nel Zelpher proceeded in shaking the man harder, rolling him onto his stomach. The Glyphian merely flopped over like a rag doll.

"Albel…" She moaned in pure irritation. With a sigh, she sat herself down on the side of the bed. Regular tactics hadn't worked and now she knew it was going to get dirty.

This pain in the ass was going to get up whether he liked it or not!

Nel began to plot out tactics in her head ranging from runology to sword point. All of these plans seemed like great ideas… but for some reason, they were all making way for some other strange and fuzzy thought. It was… kind of nice… It was like…

Her eyes widened. It wasn't until then that she realized she was sitting on Albel's hand… and his fingers were twitching in a very, very private place.

She couldn't help but let out a small shriek as she stood up straight again. Okay… her fault for sitting there… who knew that Albel was such a pervert in his sleep though?

"Jackass…" she growled. Her fingers brushed the hilt of one of her daggers, silently pleading at her to simply stab him in the gut and get him out of her life. Although it was very tempting, Nel silently declined and walked around to the other side. His eyes were still closed and his mouth parted open slightly. His messy hair was spread out over his forehead, past his eyes and brushing his cheeks. His collar was off and now rested to the side near his sword.

Nel couldn't help but find it odd to see him without it. The piece of metal that usually adorned his throat always seemed to be part of him. Without it… it could be an easy way to silence a loud, arrogant man.

A smirk spread on Nel's face and her eyes shimmered with a hint of evilness. Her hand grasped the hilt of her dagger and pulled it out, letting it come to rest on the Glyphian's throat. She noticed Albel's body tense slightly at the feeling of cold metal touching skin, but other than that, he remained impassive and… well… asleep. Nel cursed and threw her blade across the room where it embedded itself into the wall.

Was this guy an IDIOT!

Nel cursed under her breath several times, pacing back and forth. Okay… maybe she can hit him… hitting will wake him up… no… maybe she can go and borrow Peppita's demon toaster. Yes! That would surely get him out of bed!

She paused and shook her head. That toaster would probably molest the poor guy in his sleep. Not a good idea.

Nel glanced at the door and sighed. The rest of them probably thought he had killed her… it had been quite a while since she had entered. But there was no way she was leaving this room without Albel! This was one mission she did not intend to fail!

Nel walked up to the Captain again and grabbed his good arm, proceeding to try and haul him out of his bed. Other than moving a couple inches, Albel Nox did not budge. She tried rolling him as well, but to no avail. Pushing did no good, nor did pulling him out by his braids. From what Nel could tell, the Glyphian had no intent on going anywhere.

"Geez… for a skinny bastard, you sure are heavy." Nel growled. She was now sitting on his stomach, hoping to suffocate him or something. She hung her head in defeat. She had run out of ideas. She couldn't think of anything else to wake him up. She had… failed…

An image of Sophia raced through her mind and Nel's eyes widened. No… she couldn't possibly… she couldn't do that! Not even to a sleeping Albel! Who knew what horrible reaction it would leave her with? Her pride was much more important than waking this bastard up! But then again… what choice did she have left?

Her eyes closed. She knew she was going to regret this. Mustering up her strength, she let her head hang and her body relax.

"Well since you're asleep, Albel… I guess I can tell you. You'd probably kill me if I ever told you this when you were awake." A small grave smile reached her lips as she continued to tell her story while sitting on the listener.

"It happened about a month ago… remember that pub and that huge party we went to? I guess I had one too many… I was kind of tipsy… I can't remember. I just remember this really handsome guy talking to me… He looked suspiciously like Luther… Same blue eyes… same blonde hair… same sexy voice. Yeah… probably Luther… but I was too drunk to care at the moment… I went out to get some fresh air and he came with me. He started flirting with me and calling me beautiful and things like that… I don't remember much after that… but…"

She stopped to glance over at the Glyphian whose face now looked almost irritated. She soon continued her story as if nothing happened.

"I didn't want to think about it for the first little while… I mean… what would slow me down along with everyone else. But lately… I've started to feel it a lot more." She paused almost dramatically and looked over at his face again. Now for the finishing touch!

"Albel… I'm pregnant."

A hand shot out, catching her wrist. Nel let out a shriek of surprise as she was thrown down off of the captain and onto the soft bed. She went to reach for her daggers, but another hand beat her there, tossing it aside and returning to catch her hands and bring them over her head.

Nel looked up at a very pissed off Albel Nox. His dark red eyes glared down at her and his teeth were clenched together. She glanced down and soon realized that below his torso there was nothing… absolutely nothing covering him. Well… Nel would have guessed he was naked, but the thought never came to mind.

"Where is he!" Albel snarled, his hands tightening on her wrists. The crimson blade winced slightly, glaring back at Albel with equal ferocity.

"You were awake the whole time!" She cried. "You bastard!" Albel ignored her words and bent down to her face.

"Tell me where the son of a bitch is, Zelpher." He whispered harshly. Nel scowled and turned her head away. "Tell me, Nel!"

Nel's eyes closed and she let out a sigh. "I was lying." Nel said, turning back to him. "Do you really thing I'd be stupid enough to get myself pregnant? And with Luther of all people! Don't be stupid!"

Nel watched as Albel's face went from shocked, to relieved, to sinister. A small smirk began to form on his lips and Nel knew she was going to regret entering this room.

"You'll regret that…" He grinned down at the now blushing woman. Nel let out a small squeak of fear beneath the larger Glyphian as he came down near her face once again.

"I think you need to pay me back for that little scare." He whispered into her ear. Nel shivered involuntarily and closed her eyes. She was surprised, however, to find that the weight holding her down was suddenly lifted off, leaving her on the bed alone. The crimson blade blinked glanced around, seeing Albel who was now getting dressed. He had just finished tying the sarong and now proceeded to put his shirt on over his head.

"Some payback…" Nel mumbled. Albel glanced over at her lazily.

"Bah, I suggest you watch your back woman. Even then you'll never see it coming." Nel chuckled and let herself lay back down on the bed.

"Well even if my little wake-up call was a story, I'm sure that Luther would do better in bed than you."

Nel seemed to have plucked Albel's strings a little too hard, because he finally snapped. Nel found herself in the same, uncomfortable position beneath him once again. He straddled her hips and bent down so that their noses made contact.

"Now that, Zelpher…" He breathed, his eyes filled with a mix of lust and bloodlust towards her, "That will not so easily be forgiven."

With that, he swooped down, his lips claiming hers quickly. Nel felt herself go rigid at the contact, her body freezing over. Albel took this chance and released her hands, using one to go behind her head and the other around her waist. He pulled back just enough so that he could sit her up and let her catch her breath.

He was about to move in once again when someone knocked on the door. "Nel? Are you okay in there?" Fayt's voice called. "You haven't come back yet, we were wanting to make sure you were still alive."

Nel heard Albel curse under his breath as he pulled himself off her, soon proceeding to fasten his gauntlet on. Nel shook her head, still slightly dazed from his actions.

"Uhh… yeah I'm fine… I just got him up…" She replied after a moment. The sound of retreating footsteps could be heard and soon Albel was ready to go.

"I'm not finished with you yet, Zelpher." He warned. Nel blushed and stood up, quickly retrieving her daggers from the wall and floor. They emerged from the room and headed down the hall towards the stairs.

"Oh, by the way Nel," Albel said, glancing over at the still flustered woman. "Next time you try and haul me out of bed… don't try pulling my out by the hair."

Nel opened her mouth to apologize when something dawned on her. If he was sleeping… how did he...

Memories of where she sat on his hand flashed through her mind. "YOU WERE AWAKE WHEN YOU DID THAT?" she shrieked. Albel didn't reply. He was already at the foot of the stairs.

"Sign me out." Albel said quickly to Fayt before speeding out the door. Nel was soon at his heels as she chased him down the street. The blue-haired swordsman watched in stunned silence as they ran out of sight.

"Looks like we'll be here for another night…"

* * *

TADAA! Done chapter one of my one-shot series. Very busy… might not be on for a while. X.x until then… ja! 


	2. Bimbos aren't my type

**Bimbo's aren't my type**

Second part of my one-shot series! Something funny involving… yeah… I won't spoil it for ya. Not as long as the first one though. Ah well! Enjoy part two!

* * *

Albel Nox glanced up at the sky from his seat outside. He, Nel and Fayt had stopped by a small restaurant for something to eat after their time at the smithery. Fayt soon ran off after spotting Sophia walking down the street, leaving to two Elicoorians alone. The two had engaged in a light conversation, mainly taunting one another with meaningless names and such. 

"Is there anything I can get for you two?"

Albel glanced up to see a busty blonde woman wearing a small version of the uniforms worn in the restaurant. What happened to that other plain-looking girl that didn't give him that lusty look? Wasn't this girl supposed to be tending to the tables inside? And didn't this woman notice that they were already halfway done their meals! He glanced over at Nel, who seemed indifferent, although he couldn't help but catch a small smirk from under that scarf. Albel turned back to the woman and scowled.

"Does it really look like we need anything?" He growled. Despite his threatening glare, the girl continued to smile.

"You can get me a glass of water if that's all right." Nel said with a polite smile. The girl glanced over, quickly retrieving the glass and sauntered off, swaying her hips as she walked.

"Why did you do that?" Albel asked once she left.

"Because I was thirsty." Nel replied calmly.

"Yes… but you're practically inviting her back." He pointed out.

"So? She likes you."

"I can see that." Albel growled, pulling his cloak tighter around himself.

"So why are you so grumpy?"

"I can see the tops of her nipples, Zelpher!" He snapped. Nel quirked an eyebrow.

"I didn't think that you of all people would stare at women's breasts." She mused.

"She was practically shoving them into my face, woman!" Albel hissed. Nel laughed and leaned back in her chair.

"Don't be such a baby." Nel said with a grin. "And be happy that she's paying attention to you." Albel scoffed and looked away.

"I couldn't care less if she was the one that cut off Luther's head. She isn't my type."

"Oh?" Nel leaned forward, now interested. "And what is your type, Nox?"

Albel opened his mouth to reply but was cut off when the same woman from before came and set down Nel's glass. Nel thanked her quietly, but was surprised to see her sit down beside the Glyphian.

"It's my break." The woman explained with a smile. "I thought I could spend my free time with my new friends." She turned and smiled almost flirtatiously at Albel, who started to feel more and more uncomfortable. When had this 'friend' thing come into effect? He barely even considered Nel a friend and here this girl was who he hadn't even known for more than five seconds claiming to have known them for eternity!

She was truly wishing for an early death…

The captain glanced over, noticing that Nel and the woman had engaged in a conversation.

"I never caught your name." Nel finally said. The woman glanced over and giggled.

"It's Mary-Sue!" She replied with a smile. Albel immediately went rigid and he could have sworn he saw Nel's eye twitch. The hesitation in her next sentence confirmed it, but she immediately covered it up with a cough.

"I-I'm Nel." She said after removing her hand from her face. "And the silent one over there is Albel."

Mary-Sue glanced over at him, giving him a look that said 'oh you won't be silent for long' "Nel's such a nice name." she finally said, turning back to the Aquarian. "That's the name of my baby cousin."

And on they went. Albel tuned out, trying to ignore the fact that this bitch was not only inching towards him, but in such a way that would make most men die.

But of course, Albel wasn't one of those average maggots! There was no chance that he'd let some woman like this seduce him! But damn that perfume was strong! It was getting hard to think straight… okay… think of something else… Luther dead… Roger kicked to next Wednesday after spying… Nel hopping out of the hot spring to thank him, towel flying off in the process of…

Okay that wasn't working. Try something else! Fighting against Maria and winning… Fighting against Nel… in a bed… her wearing nothing but a-

Damn! What was wrong with him! The perfume must be getting to his brain! It was so artificial it would even make Adray gag!

His eyes were now closed as he resisted the urge to cough. Tempted to hold his breath, the captain glanced over, frowning when he realized Nel was using her scarf to work as a gas mask.

Lucky woman.

Albel tilted his head up to the sky once again, inhaling some of the little fresh air he had. It felt like he was going to die if he stayed any longer. But he knew this kind of woman. Normally he could push the average girl away, but this girl… she was the kind that LIKED violence. You could shake her as much as you wanted and she'd keep coming back for more. She'd probably enjoy rape!

He seemed to have only two possible options…

One: let her have her way…

Two: Run like hell.

He sighed. Neither of those were very good choices either! And still, Nel continued to chat with the woman about who-knows what! Was she stupid!

No, of course not. Even his mind couldn't say that! She was quite intelligent, stealthy, strong, a worthy opponent, pretty, kind, insanely beautiful…

SHUT UP, NOX! What happened to the other part of your conscience that kept this half quiet!

It agreed with the other half…

Fuck.

"Hey, are you okay?" Mary-sue asked, glancing over at him with a worried look. "You look pale."

"Oh, no. He always looks like that." Nel interjected quickly, stopping the busty blonde from touching him. "He just can't seem to get a tan." She added jokingly. Albel shot the woman a glare, silently telling her he'd get his revenge. Mary Sue failed to notice this as she crossed her legs, letting the one brush against Albel's calf. The captain flinched at the contact, his gauntlet twitching for the chance to slice and dice this woman.

He silently noted that this was one of the reasons he could tolerate Nel. She wasn't a flirt. More of a tease… an unknowing tease…

"Are you sure you're okay, Albel?" Alas, another chance to advance.

"I'm fine…" He muttered. Although the thought of her corpse splattered across the road wouldn't be so bad either… no… must resist temptation…

"Are you sure, you look feverish." Getting closer…

"Did you not hear me?" Oh… she was asking for death!

"But your cheeks are all red!" The woman whined. She was now off her chair and leaning towards him, her hand on his lap. His conscience was now screaming at him to kill the bitch.

"Don't touch me, maggot!" Albel snapped. He cast a sideward glance at Nel, who seemed to realize he was about to slaughter someone.

"Aww… can I just check?" Shit! Hand too close to manhood! TOO CLOSE TO MANHOOD!

"Oh would you look at the time!" Nel cried, standing up. "Albel we have to get back! Everyone's probably waiting for us!" Albel glanced up at her in question before she grabbed his arm and pulled him off the chair, sending the bimbo back. "Sorry about the rush, Mary Sue." She said with a nervous laugh. "But my fiancée and I have to leave now."

Those words sent Mary Sue into a state of shock. "F-Fiancée?" She stuttered. Albel looked at the woman still latched to his arm, immediately understanding the plan. Quite traditional, yes, but useful nonetheless.

He would have to thank her later…

"Of course!" Nel cried. "What did you think we were?" The two watched in amusement as the woman's mouth continuously opened and closed, no sound coming out.

"It's not like we were going to get cozy with each other out here, fool." Albel drawled, letting himself casually lean towards the Aquarian. "Only mushy idiots do that."

The woman was left stunned as the two walked away. Nel glanced over, bidding the shocked girl goodbye.

The two walked in silence for a couple blocks. Albel had calmed down a great deal after the ordeal and Nel seemed satisfied with herself. It wasn't every day that you could leave a girl like that absolutely stunned, let alone on her knees.

Nel turned into the dark alleyway that cut to the in, Albel following close behind. The two were halfway through when Nel was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around her from behind, forcing her to stop. She felt herself leaning against a warm chest while soft breaths tickled her neck. The redhead glanced up over her shoulder in surprise. "A-Albel?"

"I didn't get to thank you earlier." He chuckled, letting his chin rest on her head. "Although I have to admit, I wasn't really expecting to see you come to my rescue."

Nel quirked an eyebrow. "Why's that?

"Because you like to see me suffer." He replied bluntly. Nel laughed reached up, tugging lightly on a tuft of hair.

"Sometimes, yes… but leaving you in that position was way below the belt."

"Yes, but now I have to repay you, maggot." The Glyphian huffed. Nel looked over her shoulder and smiled.

"Just save my ass next time I'm in a tight spot." She said with a grin. Albel rolled his eyes and let her go, walking around her. It wasn't until he was a little ways away that Nel remembered their conversation before.

"Hey, Albel! You never told me what your type was!" She called, catching up to him. Albel looked down at her and grinned, ignoring her question completely.

"Hey that's not fair! I just saved your ass!"

"Does it really matter?"

"I'm just curious, Nox!"

"A little too curious for my liking."

"Albel!"

Nel stamped her foot in frustration, glaring at the Glyphian's back. "You owe me anyway! Why couldn't you just tell me that instead of saving my ass!"

Albel glanced over at her and shrugged. "Because I'd rather save your sorry ass than tell you what kind of girl I like, wench."

Nel frowned when she heard her old nickname, but quickly came up with a form of revenge. "I could tell her we're divorced…"

Albel caught her wrist with his claw and forced her into the alley wall. "Don't… you… dare…" He warned, throwing her hand down. "Besides, I don't need to tell you."

"Why not!" The Aquarian asked hotly. This time, the Glyphian caught her chin with his good hand and lifted it up.

"That, Zelpher, is because I don't need a type. I've already found someone."

Nel's eyes became wide with shock as Albel released her and started heading back. He heard the sound of Nel's footsteps behind him as she caught up.

"I don't believe you." She said flatly. Albel chuckled and shook his head.

"I suppose you wouldn't…" He said with a small smirk. "But either way… I'll be forced to get married. So I would suggest we keep our distance in case the king and queen get any ideas to stick us together and make us have little mix-bred babies." He watched with a grin as he witnessed Nel's mixed reaction to his statement.

"D-don't be stupid!" She snapped, speeding up ahead of him. "Like hell they would do that!" The Glyphian, now enjoying this new form of amusement, continued to scare her.

"I don't know… for all we know, it may have even been arranged before we were born! Maybe you really ARE my fiancée!"

"Shut up!"

"It could be in the historical records, Lady Nox!"  
"I'm not listening to you!"

"Maybe they want little heirs to unite the kindom!"

"LALALALALA!"

"What kind of cake do you want at the wedding? Vanilla?"

"BE QUIET!"

"Want to go steal some of that pocky stuff from Leingood?"

"I SAID- what?" Nel blinked and looked up at the Glyphian, noticing the amused look in his eyes. "Uhh… sure…"

And so the two headed off to the inn, ready to attack the unaware Fayt Leingood of whatever pocky from his world he had left.

* * *

Okie… this was a better ending than the last one. You wouldn't BELIEVE how bad the last one was! Ah well… it's done now. Enjoy damnit. 

Hooray for Pocky!

New one shots to come later on!


	3. Toggamasilenitis

I'm sorry this took so long. The AlNel community has died. I swear.

But this took months to finish... I actually had to force myself

I'll be putting up a couple new fics including a Samurai Champloo AU story and possibly another Akatsuki gag eventually.

I'm also collaborating with my friend on fics as well as an original story soon! Thus, i'm busy. Very busy.

Hopefully the next chapter is better... -sulks-

**Toggamasilenitis**

"AUUUUUGH!!!"

Albel's eyes snapped open at the sound of the shrill scream. Kicking the covers off, he grabbed his katana and ran out of the hotel room wearing nothing but his sleeping yukata.

The scream had come from the room beside him. That voice had belonged Nel.

The Glyphian furiously kicked the door down and drew his sword, preparing for whatever came.

But NOTHING could have prepared him for the sight he had just seen.

There before him stood a very pale Nel Zelpher, her usually rounded ears were now pointed and fuzzy, laying flat on her head. A tail hung behind her, the hair standing straight from her scare. She glanced over at him in a mix of fear and embarrassment

"A-Albel?"

That was it. He snapped, falling to the floor and laughing his head off at the sight before him. Nel's cheeks turned as red as her hair and she stormed up to him, grabbing a hold of the front of his yukata and jerking him forward.

"Say a word to ANYONE and you will wish you've never been born." She hissed. Albel chuckled, ignoring the blatant fact that their noses were touching.

"So any idea who spiked your last drink with Bastet's elixir?" He inquired lazily. Nel dropped him and shook her head, her cheeks still flushed from humiliation

"Not a clue…" She murmured. Albel smirked and stood up, eying her ears with interest.

"How ever will you survive the day with those things?" He asked curiously. Nel gave him the isn't-it-obvious look before walking to the bed.

"Simple. I stay in here all day and sleep." She replied flatly as she grabbed the pillow and pulled it over her head.

"Oh that's a great idea, Nel!" He grinned and walked over, jerking the pillow out of her grasp. "Well, it WOULD be a great idea if we weren't checking out of this stupid place at twelve."

Nel glanced up at him in sheer horror. "You're joking, right?"

"Do I ever lie?"

Silence.

"Okay, don't answer that."

Nel muttered some curses under her breath and unearthed a box of Pocky from under her pillow. Pulling one out, she stuck it in her mouth and began to think while she nibbled on it. Albel felt blood trickle out of his nose at the sight. She was, after all, only wearing a very baggy shirt that she had gotten from Cliff for their travels. Not to mention her tail was lifting it up, showing more runes than he would have ever thought he would see in his life.

And now she was starting to look like one of those kitty girls from those pictures that Cliff stared at all day.

This woman was trying to KILL HIM!

Sighing, the Glyphian sat down on the edge of the bed, causing Nel to stare at him curiously, almost innocently. DAMN her and her gorgeous green eyes!

"Don't stare at me like that, maggot!" he snapped, looking away with a blush. "Why won't you let anyone else know about this?"

"Roger."

Albel stiffened. "Oh, right… the brat…" he muttered as he brought a hand to his forehead. The overly hormonal child could even creep the likes of the Captain out.

Silence ensued between them, and soon, Albel found it becoming increasingly uncomfortable to even look at her. He eventually stood up, heading towards the door, which caused Nel to question his motives.

"I'm making sure we stay another day." Albel informed her calmly. "It's a long shot, but I'm sure I can scare them into it."

Nel was shocked, so to speak. Albel was helping –no… VOLUNTARILY helping her! Her emerald eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You're letting me off too easy…" She pointed out as she sat up. Albel grinned and shot an evil look over his shoulder.

"I know."

And with that, he left the room, leaving Nel to fear for her life, sanity and pride.

* * *

"She's sick?" 

Cliff and Fayt stared at Albel warily as he gave them the news. He glanced at his gauntleted hand as if searching for any remains of maggot blood on the tips.

"Yep." He replied lazily. "It's some Aquarian disease… err… Toggamasilenitis. Most maggots know it as the togg-flu."

Oh yeah. He was good.

"Togga-what?" Fayt frowned at Albel, not fully convinced by Albel's tale.

"Toggamasilenitis." He repeated, surprised, and at the same time proud, that he had actually remembered the word. "They shortened it so that your small brains might possibly have a chance of absorbing this information."

And look! He can still insult when he lied!

Nel owed him big time.

"It's highly contagious." Albel stated calmly. "The doctors that treat them get sick themselves and it can last for months if untreated. You'll be bedridden the entire time. So I'm afraid I can't let you into her room."

They seemed to be buying into it so far. It was then that Cliff noticed a hole in his symptoms.

"Wait… if it's so contagious… how come YOU haven't gotten sick yet?" He asked with a scowl. Albel shot a glare back that was ten times as intense as his brain racked for an excuse.

"Male Elicoorians are immune, fool." He snapped. "And I can assure you, that if you don't trust my knowledge in Aquarian diseases and anyone besides me goes into that room, you'll all end up just like the pathetic wench and you'll be stuck in this bloody inn until you're cured. And believe me; I am NOT treating ALL of you!"

Damn! He was on FIRE!

The bait had been taken. Cliff and Fayt retreated hesitantly, but made sure to keep a good distance away from Nel's room. Albel smirked victoriously and entered Nel's room again, making sure to lock the door as well. The Aquarian had just finished putting on a change of clothes as she was tackled back down to the bed. Albel was on top of her; grinning maniacally.

"Congratulations, Zelpher." He said with a grin. "You are now bedridden for the rest of the day."

Nel could only gape up at him in sheer horror as he spoke. "You actually persuaded them?" She asked incredulously. "How did you manage that?"

Albel merely smirked and let himself lean back away from her. "Simple." He stated calmly. "You are now the victim of Toggamasilenitis."

This earned a confused look from the Aquarian spy.

"To-"

"You heard me, fool."

"Care to write that down?"

"I'll pass."

* * *

Twelve noon had arrived and Albel was still lounging in Nel's room. He had spent the last few hours picking on her by pulling her tail and making her ears twitch whenever he breathed on them. It was now the Aquarian who found it increasingly uncomfortable to be in the room as his taunts became worse. 

It was when he finally nipped her ear that she snapped.

Spinning around, she brought her hand to his face, leaving five cuts along his cheek that began to bleed soon after.

A heavy silence spread between the two.

"Nel… since when did you steal my gauntlet?" He asked with an unusual calmness. Nel blinked and glanced down, noting that his gauntlet was right where it should be. She then glanced at her own hand, her eyes widening when she saw the elongated nails.

"Huh… Apparently you had a larger dose than I first thought…" He mumbled. Nel, on the other hand, had become extremely frantic.

"How can you be so RELAXED?! I just sliced your face open!" she shrieked. Albel stared at her blankly before touching his cheek.

"You of all people should know I've been through much worse." He drawled. Nel couldn't help but agree with the Glyphian. Even by her own blade, he had been injured much worse than these mere slices.

"Just… stop biting me…" She muttered. She saw the smug look on Albel's face, but kept quiet as she pushed him away.

"You're a real ass…"

"So I've heard…"

* * *

Fayt had watched Albel return with a bag full of lord-knows-what later that afternoon with a smug grin on his face. Fearing for poor Nel's life, he had decided to eavesdrop that night on what was happening inside when Albel retreated to the room after supper. Bending down on the ground, he spied through the crack between the door and the flooring as his ears picked up on their conversation. 

"What is all that stuff?" he heard Nel ask. The bag was placed on the ground with a light thud as Albel's feet stopped in front of hers.

"You'll find out later." He replied a little too calmly. "Now open up before I make you."

"No!" Nel cried. "Not again! That stuff tastes funny and is really sticky! I can't do that again!"

He heard Albel growl and soon Nel's protests became muffled groans. Albel hissed as their feet moved and he whispered some unheard words to her. He then let out a cry of pain.

"I can't believe you just bit me, worm!" He roared.

"I couldn't take it anymore!" She shot back.

"Well look now! You've spilt it everywhere! If you had just taken it like a good little maggot we wouldn't have this problem!

"Well you haven't had that stuff forced down your throat! How would you know what it tastes like?!"

"Why the hell would I want to taste it, fool!" Albel's feet suddenly vanished and the rustling of sheets could be heard. "Now we're going to try this again, and you're going to like it. Got it?"

"Well apparently you're enjoying this much more, Nox…"

"Oh just shut up and open wide! Take it like a woman, wench!"

"MMPH!"

* * *

"CLIFF!!!" Fayt practically tackled the Klausian when he met up with him. The blonde looked down at the panicked bluenette in question as he began a very rushed and panicked explanation. 

"ALBELISUSINGNEL'SSICKNESSASANEXCUSETODONASTYTHINGSTOHERANDJUSTFORCEDHERTOSUCKHISDINGDONG!!!"

A long and pregnant pause rested between the two.

"Fayt… did you get into the Pocky again?" he asked with a frown. "I thought we confiscated that from you."

"NO!" Fayt was hopping from foot to foot now. "Albel… Nel… SEECKSSS!!"

"Well is Nel willing?" Cliff asked with a raised eyebrow.

"NO!"

"Well that changes things!" He cried. With that, the two sped back to Nel's room, flinging the door open as they prepared to beat the living shit out of the Glyphian.

What they saw before them left them stunned beyond belief.

Albel was resting at the foot of Nel's bed reading a book while said Aquarian slept soundly under the covers. The Glyphian glanced up with a scowl from his book before snapping it shut.

"You do realize you just walked into a very dangerous place…" He murmured darkly. "And in more than one aspect as well…"

Fayt and Cliff's eyes bulged as they stepped back, covering their mouths with their shirts.

"We're clean! We're clean!" They shrieked as they ran off. Albel smirked and locked the door once again before turning back to the slumbering Aquarian. His smirk soon changed into an evil grin as he advanced slowly upon the unaware woman. He crawled onto the bed and rested on her smaller form, watching her stir with amusement in his crimson orbs.

Nel awoke a while later to find the Black Brigade captain sprawled on top of her, an evil, twisted grin on his face. Nel blushed and tried to escape, but found her movements to be futile under his weight.

"N-Nox… what are you doing? Get off me this instant!"

"Remember the bimbo you saved me from a while ago?" He asked sinisterly. Nel nodded slightly. "I was indebted to you… but I think I repaid the debt after I gave you a day off."

Nel's scowl deepened at this. "What are you implying, Nox?" she asked scathingly. Albel merely smirked as he flicked some blonde tendrils away from his face.

"What I'm saying is…" He brought his face up so that their noses were practically touching. "… it's the other way around now, Zelpher."

She couldn't help but notice the fox-like grin his fangs produced as he pulled back and simply straddled her. He placed a thoughtful finger on his chin as he pretended to be deep in thought. "But how shall you repay me?" He asked softly. His eyes met hers, and he didn't bother to hide the taunting look they held. "You do realize I hate to be in debt…"

Nel remained silent for a moment, thoughts running through her mind on what said Glyphian could possibly want more than taunting and torturing her constantly. Albel loved his hobbies and unfortunately, her being constantly teased in more than one way. What could Albel possibly desire more than to see her stressed out?

"Pocky." She finally declared. Albel blinked. "What?"

"I'll get you as much Pocky as you want… well… until we're even at least." She muttered. Albel thought this over silently, regarding her and her ears with mild interest.

"It's a deal." He replied, rolling off of her. Nel sighed in relief as his added weight was removed. She glanced over, but froze as she saw what he had in his hand.

It was her chocolate banana Pocky.

"Albel…" She hissed as she sat up. "Just because I owe you, doesn't mean you get to steal from my stash.

Albel raised an eyebrow at this. "Oh?" He asked, glancing at the stick in his hand. "And why not?"

"Because I'm already paying for your own!" She shot back. Albel smirked at this and leaned down in front of her so that they were face to face.

"Well then…" He murmured as he placed one end in her mouth. "Why not share?"

His sinister look was all that kept Nel rooted in place at the beginning. Albel quickly bit the other end, slowly making his way down the treat to a mortified looking Aquarian. She tried to let move back and remove the stick from her mouth, but Albel merely followed her and held her down on the bed, making it impossible for her to move away.

He reached the last bite, and paused to see Nel glaring up at him. In a flash, she took the end and finished it off, leaving Albel with nothing. She shot a triumphant smirk up at him after seeing his frown. But it was soon wiped clean off her face as Albel bent down yet again, catching her lips in a light kiss. He did it again and again; each time harder than the last. He pulled away and paused to look at Nel's shocked face. She opened her mouth with the intention of asking him what the hell he was doing, but was cut off yet again as he caught her in another opened-mouth kiss, letting his tongue taste the inside of her mouth mixed with the remnants of her Pocky. He knew she wouldn't do anything back, nor could she fight back. He kept her legs on either side of him in order to keep any kicks towards his manhood away.

He pulled away with a satisfied smirk, gazing at Nel's flushed cheeks as she caught her breath.

"I've changed my mind…" He explained after kissing the corner of her mouth. "You taste much better. You'll be paying me back instead."

Albel watched with satisfaction as her eyes widened in horror. "W-what?!"

"What do you say?" He grinned. "One kiss per pocky… or tongue for a whole pouch."

"NO!!" She shrieked as she tried to scramble away. The captain laughed maniacally as he leered at her uncomfortable expression. Nel watched him with a mix of anger and fear. What was this guy ON?!

"Fine…" He declared. "Be like that." His eyes grew dark and sinister. "But you'll truly regret your decision… remember that…"

Nel felt him nip at her lip one last time before he pushed himself off of her. "Oh, look." He ran his fingers over her now smooth and rounded earlobes. "You're almost cured." He glanced at her eyes which still held slit-like pupils. A sly grin spread across his face, causing Nel's eyes to widen.

* * *

Albel walked down to the lobby to get himself something to eat, but was interrupted when he was blocked by two bodies. 

He shot very irritated glares at Fayt and Cliff, who didn't seem all that happy to see him either.

"We know what you've been up to, Albel." Fayt stated with a frown. Albel raised an eyebrow at this. What were they talking about?

"Don't give us that look!" Cliff snapped. "We heard it all!"

"Heard…?" Albel was struck clueless. Fayt soon revealed one of his recording mechanisms and tossed it to him. Albel placed the ear buds in their rightful places (which surprisingly, weren't up Cliff and Fayt's asses) and proceeded to listen to the voices that started riling up.

"Oh… that…" He murmured casually as he pulled the earphones out. "Would you believe that she bit me when I tried to give her that goddamn medicine?"

A pause.

"Medicine?" Fayt repeated. Albel merely nodded.

"I guess it tastes weird or something… she despises the stuff." He replied as he showed them an empty bottle he was just about to throw out. "But it worked. She'll be ready to leave tomorrow."

He then paused and glanced at Fayt over his shoulder. "Why… what did you think I was doing?" he asked with a sinister grin. Fayt choked and looked away.

"I-It was nothing!" he replied quickly. Albel merely smirked and walked away. Glancing at the bottle one last time, he trashed it; feeling unusually disgusted with himself.

"Damn, that DID sound wrong…"

* * *

TBC… 

**A/N: **Albel needs to get laid. I swear.

I will give you a cookie if you figure out what albel used as a reference for Nel's 'disease'

And make more AlNel fics! You guys make me sad!


End file.
